I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
