I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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