He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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