Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
