I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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