chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
