At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
