I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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