We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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