I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
