found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
