just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
