You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
