it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
