Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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