Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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