two words: eviction party
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
