just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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