to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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