For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
