I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm passing your future prison.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
