Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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