So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
