i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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