sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
