I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
