It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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