i think my mom watched the whole time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
