I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
