I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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