I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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