you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
