Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
