he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
