an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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