It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
