where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
