Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
