you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
