Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I AM VODKA MAN
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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