Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
