My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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