Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
