I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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