Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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