i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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