he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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