I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
