this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
