I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
