We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
